Dear Madam Clerk,
I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to take a moment and apologize for what is about to happen. You are going to receive a number of FOILs. I know as a public servant you believe that responding to FOILS is part of the job. However, in this case you will be responding under a microscope. The answers to the FOILs are going to be used to do some untoward things. That may make you feel guilty. The reputation of the Town, until it corrects itself, might suffer a little and it will be my fault with your help. You may feel uncomfortable about that.
Why is all this going to happen in Westmoreland?? The following post was found on the Town Supervisor’s Facebook Page:
The flag is a symbol of racism. It is also a symbol of treason. The Post is targeted at young black males. Mr. Eisnor would do well to know that children of all races do this. White American kids do it, Bosnian kids do it, kids from Myanmar do it. In fact, over at the Hannaford’s Plaza on Mohawk Street, not only are some kids doing it, but it seems like they were listening to the Myanmar version of Pusha T while they were doing it. I wonder what Push would think now that I have included him in a political email.
The bottom line is you have a racist supervisor. People could blackmail him over the racism, people could manipulate him with racism in order to get differential treatment, some people wanting to do business in the town could walk away. Utica has lost countless thousands of dollars in investments due to Angela Elefante being an employee of the School Department.
So, the first FOILs will be of an identifying nature. I will want his communications. Everyone in contact with him should know what he believes in. I will want his home address so a picture of his house can be posted on the web in case anyone wants to visit. I will want to know about various business dealings and ethics filings.
One other thing will be happening that is kind of unfortunate. Mr. Eisnor is rather proud that Westmoreland does not have a tax. Yeah, that little dream has to die.
Last night, for the first time in 10 months, I regathered my friends known as the “Merry Band of Pranksters”. We do political performance art for the lack of a better term. Even though I was in a mania episode for the conversation, Bipolar disease does that, what we came up with is pretty cool.
We believe there is no way Mr. Eisnor has gone through life without discriminating against people both privately and professionally. We just have to find them. When we find them, we will hand them over to some friendly lawyers. They will sue the Town over and over and over and over again. Maybe you have to hire outside counsel to the point where there’s a tax. Maybe you have to settle some of the suits and there’s a tax. Maybe you lose a couple of lawsuits and there’s a tax. Maybe something unexpected happens along the way as a byproduct of all the searching and suing, the most likely scenario, and there’s a tax.
In any event, there will be a tax and we get to all dance around Town Hall to celebrate. Once the celebrating is over, we have to hold a fundraiser to help pay off the tax since the goal never was to hurt the people of Westmoreland. The goal is to put Mr. Eisnor in his place and spoil that which he is most proud of. Should a bigot expect anything more?? Mr. Eisnor and everyone like him needs to be reminded this is not Mississippi.
You might be wondering how Bipolar me can pull this off. Back in the 90’s, living in a run down apartment in the Flint, a section of Fall River, I was making $2000 a week. Problem was between my alcoholism, my need to hit the crackpipe 4 times a day, and the usual Bipolar adventures, I was spending $2800 a week. Crack dealing became a way to fill the gap. That it became a full time business.
Even when I got sober in 2002, I was still having the Bipolar adventure problem even though I didn’t know I was Bipolar. So in 2007, when I was making $3000 a week and spending $2998.75 a week – turns out Bipolar adventure only increases when you get sober – I did something smart. I spread out a large amount of cash to a number of lawyers in case a rainy day ever happened. Because I was sober, I was no longer getting arrested. That means that most of that cash is still out there and most of those lawyers are still my friends.
Back to the issue at hand, “Everyone like him”. You have a self proclaimed redneck named Barabra Phillips on your Town Council who also loves the flag. I understand she owns more than one. Once we are done with Mr. Eisnor, we will turn our attention to her social media postings, her home and business interests in case anyone wants to go visit. We will also be looking at licenses and permits for disruptive purposes.
The best answer to a bigot is the free market. For instance, if you know a real estate agent is a bigot, do not get outraged. Instead, contact their listings – show up at an Open House even.
However, love for the Confederate Flag does not stop with Ms. Phillips and Mr. Eisnor. There are at least two locations in Town, and one next to Town by the Park, where the Confederate Flag flies. Those folks have to be disrupted via the free market as well. One of them not only has the Confederate Flag but other creepy flags in his garage.
Before they are disrupted however, we must give people a chance to visit. When I first mentioned on social media that the Town of Westmoreland was home to 2 visible Confederate Flags, and possibly a 3rd, people from Providence and Boston and as far away as Truro on the Cape wanted to come visit, I guess everyone wants to tell the flag owners on their minds. I really can’t disrupt the owners until the visiting happens.
It’s too bad that Westmoreland doesn’t have a timeshare. We could make guided tours of the houses where the bigots live an ownership benefit. If not a benefit, we could at least offer a small discount – provided they take another timeshare tour of course. All this visiting is going to result in traffic your community is not used to. I want to apologize for that as well. It is really not fair that because some bigot put up a Confederate Flag outside town hall that someone else gets inconvenienced on their drive home from work but that’s life in a Capitalist Society.
Westmoreland should be the small town with lots of talent,. It should be known for the amazing trails behind the park. It should be the kind of place everyone wants to grow up in. Instead, it has become a home to bigotry both inside and outside of government. Personally, I think it is one of the most beautiful communities on the planet and I used to live in Newport, RI. I hope you do not mind if a few of us get together and help clean up the mess others are making.